Throughout the ages, it’s the notable speakers and orators who have charted the course of history; from Aristotle to Jesus, down through Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Gandhi and Martin Luther King. Great speakers and their speeches have inspired, moved and motivated individuals, armies and nations. The memorable speeches and the people who delivered them represent mileposts in mankind’s evolution. Is it any wonder that we tend to think of speakers and speech as being all powerful?
But what about the listener? Are there any chapters in history dedicated to great listeners? Are there any monuments or statues erected in their honor?
Although the great orators and their words have historically received the accolades, an uncanny aptitude for listening had to precede their speech. Without a speaker’s keen ability to listen, to feel, and to interpret the mood and circumstance of the people and times, their words would have failed to inspire. Their message would have lacked relevance. Empathic listening and deep understanding had to precede the great speeches of our past.
The Misunderstood Power of Listening
The speaking side of communication has undoubtedly been glamorized, which is fine, but unfortunately it’s been at the expense of the essential skill that had to precede it; effective listening. Speaking typically represents action and power. Listening has been falsely perceived as weak and passive.
• A politician gave the perfect speech and swept the election.
• A salesperson gave the perfect sales pitch and overwhelmed the “helpless” purchaser.
A salesperson without superior listening skills will never be a long-term sales success. A politician without a finely tuned ear will never consistently and effectively respond to the electorate.
Formal Speaking and Listening
If you’re among a group of people listening to a speech, your individual power as a listener is limited. To listen to the speech effectively still requires your mental participation to absorb and reflect on the message, but your ability to impact the speaker and the subject matter is severely restricted as compared to two-way dialogue. I’m going to refer to this kind of speaking and listening as formal. Formal listening would imply that the listener must stay in the listening position and cannot assume the role of speaker.
Informal Speaking and Listening
During informal communication, which is where most of our communication takes place, the speaker and listener can, and will, frequently switch roles from speaking to listening. This is where the listener can exert power and effectiveness through empathic, high level listening or he may squander that power by interrupting, advising, judging and sharing similar experiences.
To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well,
and is as essential to all true conversation.
~ Chinese proverb ~
The Real Power of Listening
It’s a simple fact that a listener is always learning. You can’t learn much with your own mouth open because it stands to reason that whatever you have to say, has to be something you already know!
Good listeners attract people like moths to a flame. They make us feel comfortable and valued. Have you noticed how a good listener affects your energy, comfort level, and enthusiasm? What about the opposite? Have you ever been excited to share some good news with someone only to find their disinterest drained your excitement and energy like a popped balloon?
Have you ever noticed how a poor listener can directly affect your energy, comfort, enthusiasm, or nervousness as you speak? Have you ever felt turned off by a speaker who drums his fingers, glances at his watch or looks anxious or bored? Have you felt your enthusiasm wane when you shared something exciting with someone who refused to share your excitement?
Conversely can you recall sharing something exciting with someone who was caught-up in your excitement? Doesn’t it add to your shared experience? Can you remember sharing a personal story, experience or intimate feelings with a person who really listened? If you have, you know that the listener had a powerful effect and a lasting influence on you. That is real power!
Silent Listening, a Wellspring of Information
If information is power, then listening is the conduit to power.
The next time you ask someone a question and you get an unsatisfactory answer try this … say and do nothing. Silence is a void that makes people extremely uncomfortable. Almost without fail a momentary pause on your part will cause them to leap into the silence like a cat on a mouse. Just the simple act of silent listening will often produce a fountain of speech from the other person. When someone finishes speaking and you don’t “go along” by immediately picking up your end of the dialogue, invariably the speaker will begin to elaborate. It may not be long before they eventually get around to saying exactly what you want to hear.
The power of holding your tongue is often overlooked, especially in sales. Remaining silent allows you to collect your thoughts and be more prudent in your reply. International American business people will often confront a foreigner who claims ignorance of the language. They will frequently bring along an interpreter even though they’re perfectly capable of understanding and conversing in English. This tactic allows them to buy extra time to form a reaction and a response. It allows them to observe and listen twice as much as they could without an interpreter.
End of part one.
